Feeling Brave

Today I did something that I have put off for what seems like forever … I contacted my local college about attending a GCSE Maths class!

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I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – other than a mum who is resisting growing up! – but I know that the things that have always interested me (apart from working for myself) all require a minimum of a grade C in Maths. The majority also require A-Levels and some even require a degree but lets start out with the basics first eh?

This is a huge deal for me as I have zero confidence in myself, I find ways to put myself down and always go on about how I’m not smart enough to go back to school, I get insanely nervous in classrooms and I feel judged by everyone – teacher and peers alike, I worry about my age (I’ll be 34 and turning 35 within the term whereas the majority of other students will be much younger) and I panic about letting myself, but more importantly, my husband and family down.

I’ve figured out that our baby boy will be around three months old when the class starts but the bonus is that it will be an evening class and Baz now has a job where he can work from home on certain days or adjust his hours to suit his home needs. This means that he should be able to have the kids whilst I go and try to better myself for a couple of hours one night a week and it shouldn’t interfere too heavily, if at all, with his work day … win!

I also found out that as I got a D grade way back when in school, the course will be FREE!!!!! I just have to sit an entry assessment closer to the course start date to see if I have the basic numeracy requirements to get onto the course – I’m absolutely shitting it already! I could fail at the first hurdle and that would suck donkey balls.

But yeah, my mind is screaming about how I’m a failure and how I won’t get on to the course or I’ll mess up if I do get on it but this is me trying to push some positivity out onto myself for once. I will get on that course, I will work my arse off to understand whatever I’m taught and I will come out with that C grade … hell, I might even get above a C!

If I can do this, I can do whatever I put my mind to … I’m going to rock it!

Make it a good one,

Deb xox

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