Could The Doctor Be Wrong?

This is something that I have been thinking about this week. I feel kind of stupid for thinking it in a way because a doctor is a well-educated person who cares about their patients and fixing things for them, right? They want to investigate problems fully and give the best care that they can, right?

The thing with me is that I am prone to blindly trusting in people who I see as an authority figure or someone who I believe to be well versed in their chosen field, I often think of myself as less than others, less smart, less attractive, less capable … just less all around really, so I don’t tend to think twice about what I’m told in certain situations. Once my hubby told me that 76% of all facts were made up on the spot and I didn’t think to even question this because I trust him … he took great pleasure in showing me just how gullible I am!

Anyways, the last thing that I was told by the doctor that I saw was that I had low ovarian reserve which is why I wasn’t ovulating and having regular cycles. She made me feel like my time for having children (without intervention) was coming to an end and I just nodded along and listened like the good little patient that I am.

This diagnosis was delivered after me telling her about my past cycles, a HSG which came back clear and two blood tests to see how my hormone levels were throughout my cycle.

The thing that irks me about this now when I look back is that I told her that my cycles were not regular, yet she tested me on what would be a regular cycles days of change. Knowing that my cycles weren’t running as they should, how would she ever be able to know that I had low ovarian reserve from those two blood tests alone?

I’m not saying that there is nothing wrong … I know that there is, but is there really nothing else it could be other than low ovarian reserve? Could it just be a weight and hormone issue?

The reason I ask is that I have become an avid tracker of my cycles using a nifty little app called OvuView seeing as how they are all over the place and since I’ve started to lose weight and hit the gym things look to have been changing a little. This is a list of my previous cycles since December 2015…

Dec 18th 2015 – 136 day cycle

May 2nd 2016 – 129 day cycle

Sept 8th 2016 – 100 day cycle

Dec 17th 2016 – 106 day cycle

Apr 2nd 2017 – 81 day cycle

Jun 22nd 2017 – 49 day cycle

Aug 10th 2017 – currently CD7 on a predicted 47 day cycle

Now I know that it’s not perfect but I also know that I started to go to the gym and tried to start losing weight from around the start of March this year and things seem to have been changing a little after that.

So my question to you reader, if you’re out there, is this … am I just being crazy to doubt what I was told? Will the Dr be right and I’m just having a severe episode of wishful thinking? Or could the diet and exercise be working? Could it be a weight and hormonal issue that I could possibly resolve by continuing down this road of weight loss?

I guess only time will tell but what do you think?

Have a good one,

Deb xox

The Holiday is Over…

and I feel like we need another to get over this one!

It was manic, it never felt like we sat still, it was exhausting at times and yet it was absolutely brilliant.

We headed over to Butlins in Skegness for a week and though it rained every day, we never got caught in it. We spent times on the fair, went into Skegness where we ate doughnuts and ice cream by the sea – which is a tradition in our family, we walked into Ingoldmells where Sophie-Anne got to hold an owl called Wheezy, we went swimming, queued for an insanely long time to go and see Stephen Mulhern in his variety and magic show (totally worth it unless you ask my hubby who will say not so much but he’s not a fan so his vote doesn’t count here – it was great fun) we ate tons of junk, flew a kite on the beach, went for a paddle, Soph fought a pirate and won, we won some tat from the 2p machines, went to the circus, spent a ton of money and overall had such an awesome time that we booked to go back again next year but this time we will be adding my brother, sister-in-law and their two kids into the mix … it’s going to be hectic and I can’t wait!

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One thing that I saw very clearly on this holiday though is that Sophie-Anne would really love to have a sibling. She was always looking for someone to play with and I felt rotten that we haven’t provided that for her – next year will be different as she will have her cousins to play with but I don’t think anything would beat her having a little brother or sister of her own. She dotes on her younger cousin so I know she’d be an awesome big sister and she always tells me that she’d like a sister – she doesn’t want a brother but she knows that she can’t pick and she told me she’d love him anyways – hopefully I’ll be able to get myself sorted and fill this little void she has while giving us the new family member that we crave too.

So now the holiday is out of the way we are gearing up for Soph starting back at school then there are a few birthdays and before we know it, it will be Christmas. Let the countdown begin!

Have a good one,

Deb xox

 

Two Week Blip

And what a mighty blip it’s been!

I knew that these two weeks would be a wash with regards to weight loss as we have been away on a family holiday for a week where we ate out pretty much every meal except breakfast and this second week we have had days out, where again, we have eaten nothing but crap. There has been no gym either and I had an unexpected (yet very somewhat welcome) visit from my good old Aunt Flo. She was a freakin’ witch as per usual but I don’t see her often so when she does appear I try my best to forgive her bitchy ways … that and she always makes me want cake so she earns herself forgiveness in treats even though they are not what I need for my diet. To be honest though, when she’s in town I give zero shits when it comes to healthy food – I eat whatever will make me feel good for those few moments and regret it later.

So yeah, the food situation has been dire and weight has been gained but we had a great time away as a family and now the wheels are firmly back on the tracks so I can start all over again.

Hope you’ve been well,

Deb xox

The Fat Girl Clothing Dilemma

I have been invited out next Saturday night for a good old piss up to celebrate the 30th birthday of one of the mums in our “circle of mums” which is basically a small group of us who have a natter in the school yard before the kids go in and when we pick them up.

I haven’t been out drinking in years and I don’t drink so this could be messy fun!

The problem that I now have is that I have no clothes to wear out, I’m very much a jeans and hockey top kind of girl so I’m in a bit of a panic as the other mums were all on about wearing their LBD’s. They are also all much, much smaller in size than me – oh the joys of being the “fat friend” – and are all much more capable of finding lovely clothes to wear.

So today, after taking my daughter to a bounce house, I dragged her around all of the clothing shops in our town and found an amazing bargain on a pair of black boots from Dorothy Perkins – they were marked down from £60 to £7. SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS! That may be the bargain of my life so far! Annoyingly, whilst riding a bargain hunter high, I found shit all else on the racks – I tried a few things on but everything fit poorly, looked awful or was waaaaaaay to expensive for one night out on the town.

So now I’m stuck with not much time to go shopping (we are going away next week and I don’t think my family would appreciate being dragged around on a clothing hunt!) and very little confidence in finding something that will look acceptable.

They also started talking about their make-up and contouring. At this point I checked out completely as I never wear make up and have no fucking clue as to how to apply it. One of the mums was going on about this green stuff that you put on your face underneath this other stuff … what the hell would I want to do that for? Can you sweat make-up off? If so, will she look like she’s hulking out by the end of the night?

I was freaking out to my hubby about all of this earlier and he suggested meeting me at a local designer village not too far away after work tomorrow for a look around there. I’ve told him I’ll go but I’m not getting my hopes up that I’ll find anything, but I guess you never know…

Right well I guess it’s time for bed,

Remember you’re awesome!

Deb x

School’s Out

So today was the last day of nursery for my little munchkin! I had built it up in my head to be this really emotional day but it was incredibly underwhelming to be honest. She was very chill about it all, none of the kids seemed that fussed – I think us parents were more worked up about it all!

I figured that taking a picture on her last would be fitting seeing as how I documented her first day at nursery and this picture made me realise just how much she has changed throughout the year, she looks so grown up now! I’ve loved watching her grow into herself, she’s hilarious, moody, demanding, loving, caring, friendly, inquisitive and a million other things and I couldn’t be prouder of her. I love her more than I can explain and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her.

First & Last Day of Nursery.jpg

Now I’m just looking around for ideas on where I can take her and what we can do until she goes back for her reception year in September.

I’m toying with the idea of taking her to our local Pride march this weekend as it is important to me that she embraces people from all walks of life and that she realises that love between two people, no matter their sexual orientation, race, religion or anything else in-between is important, real and should be respected – sadly, I wasn’t brought up that way, my dad was quite the bigot. I remember one time my younger brother and I went to visit him and for some reason we ended up at a pride parade. There was this float of a HUUUUUGE cock complete with piercing which I thought was hilarious but then he got all pissy and we had to leave not long after that. I remember being so disappointed in him and how he acted and I don’t ever want my daughter to feel that way about me if I can help it.

I’m also looking at going to a bounce-house, the beach in the city centre, the cinema, parks, craft workshops, the library etc. and we have a holiday at Butlins to look forward to – it’s shaping up to be a busy six weeks! What are you doing with your kids over the holidays?

 

Boditrax Results

As I only really started looking at my diet and focusing solely on cardio within the last two weeks, I wasn’t expecting a great deal of change on the Boditrax scales, I was hoping for it, but not expecting it.

Last night I found the following…

  • Weight dropped from 16st 13lb to 16st 6lb
  • BMI dropped from 36.8 to 35.7
  • 2lb loss in muscle
  • 5lb loss of fat
  • Degree of Obesity dropped from 67.5% to 62.4%

Below are some pictures showing my current body composition, the all yellow is muscle composition and the yellow and red is fat composition. I’ll be looking forward to seeing how this changes over time.

Catching Up

It’s been a few days since I posted as not much has happened really. Exercise has been going well, food consumption has been monitored and kept within budget and my weight has dropped by a further 1.8 lbs. I’m not disappointed with this, as they say “A loss is a loss” but in all honesty, I was hoping for a little more. Weekends are definitely not my friend though, and annoyingly enough, two out of three weekends will remain out of my control with regards to what is cooked and how. I’m just going to have to work harder on portion control and resisting snacks on those days.

Tonight at the gym it’s Boditrax night. I’m anxious to see what the results on there are as it’s been two weeks of doing pure cardio and I’m wondering just how much of a difference it, along with monitored eating, has made.

In other news, my daughters school year is wrapping up tomorrow and we are quite excited for the six weeks summer holiday. Soph (that’s my daughter) is also looking forward to pick-up tonight as we are taking in presents for her teachers – she loves to give gifts so I can’t wait to see her face when she hands them out this afternoon. Tomorrow is also a non-uniform day and they are the best kind of school days for her … four year old’s are impressed by the simplest of things!

Well, I guess that’s it for now,

Be good,

Deb x

Well Duhhh!

The more that I calorie count everything that I eat, the easier it is to see where and how I went wrong in the past.

I’ve created spreadsheets to track my weight loss and calorie consumption as I find this a handy way to compare days and keep track but what I’m amazed by is how quickly the numbers all add up.

Just today I sat eating lunch with my daughter and she didn’t want to finish the little bun that was on her plate … so I did. As soon as I ate it I went to my spreadsheet and added on 75 calories (75 … for half of a small fairy cake!!!! I won’t be getting her these again!) and made sure I had it covered in my daily allowance. But this got me to thinking, if I wasn’t tracking my calories then I’d probably have gone on to have a cake of my own too, I’d have finished her sandwich, I’d have eaten some crisps etc. The eating would have carried on and I’d have had no clue as to how far over for the day I was. I wouldn’t have even thought about it – it’s so easy! 

It was like the lightbulb above my head switched on and I realised just how badly I’d been eating in the past and just how that affected my waistline and weight … then I had the “Well Duhhh” moment. It’s just so glaringly obvious and I knew how poorly I was eating, I just suppose I never really wanted to stop before.

This spurred me on to have my best session at the gym to date. I was working harder, going faster and sweating more than I ever had and, for the first time in a long time, I felt insanely proud of myself.

Right now I’m riding a high and I reallllly hope it continues. 

In other news, today I purchased my second Christmas present of the year. This was for my hubby but I get to join in on the fun as we are going to see Gogol Bordello and Lucky Chops live. Squeeee! 

The best thing is that this gig isn’t until the middle of December so I can go on a shopping spree for an outfit to wear as I’ll have hopefully lost quite a bit of weight by then. I’m excited for this as I despise shopping right now, I hate having to rummage through clothing trying to find my size, or finding something in my size only to find that it looks like I’ve thrown an ill-fitting sack over my head. I can’t wait to be able to just walk up to a rack, grab something from the middle, try it on and be happy with how I look. That will be an epic day in my weight loss journey.

Right, well I’m off to read with the kiddies tomorrow for the last time this school year so I’m going to get some sleep. 

Sweet dreams, 

Deb x

Weekend Stumbles

The weekend was always going to be a bit of a flop, we like to chill and see our family and there is always food and treats doing the rounds. I had already decided that I was going to behave as well as I could over the week so that if when I was bad over the weekend, I’d have a bit of a buffer.

So over the weekend I managed to put 1.2 lbs on and whilst that may seem high, I lost 4.2 lbs throughout the entire week which gives me a total of 4.6 lbs to lose now for the doctor in five weeks. I’m feeling much better about this now. It also leaves me with 92 lbs to go until I reach my overall goal and 9.8 lbs to go until I can get my first little tattoo reward!

I’m hoping that this weekend will be better but if I can replicate this week again then I’d be over the frackin’ moon!

As I was reading around some of the other blogs that I follow I came across a measurement post by Layers of Fat which reminded me that I was supposed to do the same so that I could see where and how my body changed throughout this journey of mine, so my numbers are currently as follows…

Bust: 110 cm

Chest: 100 cm

Waist: 104 cm

Hips: 116 cm

Thighs: 74 cm

Knees: 50 cm

Calves: 46 cm

Upper arm: 41 cm

Forearm: 28 cm

And thanks to this handy tool my shape is currently looking something like this…

If only my gut looked that smooth, it’s a saggy, flabby mess but maybe one day it won’t be too far off from this.

Right well that’s where I am today so lets see what this next week brings.

I’m off to the gym!

Deb x

The Date is Set…

For my next visit the my GP to check my weight and all of a sudden I’m nervous.

Every time I have tried to lose weight in the past I have struggled to see more than 1 lb lost in a week. When I see a pound of weight loss I find myself in this weird YAY but nay kind of place. I’m YAY because it’s a pound of weight lost, it’s what’s recommended and it should be easier to sustain losing at this rate … great! but then I’m nay because other people seem to have the weight drip from their bodies by doing the same kind of thing as me, so I get a little frustrated as to why I don’t ever see larger numbers like everyone else.

The thing that always annoys me though, is that in the past I have never seemed to be able to keep this sustainable 1 lb weight loss going. I tend to lose 1, gain a little, lose a little more, plateau, gain, lose etc. Now, I know that this has a lot to do with how I handle myself – I never really liked to exercise and my dedication was never at 100% but even when I did eat cleanly for a week, the scales would never seem to tick over in my favour. Eventually I/we got fed up and decided to chuck it in the fuck it bucket along with a large greasy pizza and a tub of ice cream … and the wheels of the wagon would fall right off.

This time however, I am counting every calorie and I’m working out at a gym. I’m really trying hard and I’m proud of myself but now the doubt sets in. I have six weeks to lose 9 lbs for the Dr. That gives me a loss of 1.5lbs a week – manageable right? But I have never been able to lose that number consistently, so now I’m worried that I won’t manage it and then on my appointment day he will just look at me, shake his head and tut. The worst thing about it is that we have a week-long holiday and our wedding anniversary between now and then – times when I know that I’m not going to be as good as I should be and that’s also a week without the gym!

When I weighed in this morning I found a loss of 0.2 lbs so that’s another little loss to add-on … YAY! but then I looked at it again and wondered if it was enough. Then I got angry at myself for even thinking that – I’m working hard and doing what I can so yes it’s enough! I need to get out of my head!

I can do this!

Right, I’m off to the gym.

Have a good one,

Deb x