Feeling Brave

Today I did something that I have put off for what seems like forever … I contacted my local college about attending a GCSE Maths class!


I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – other than a mum who is resisting growing up! – but I know that the things that have always interested me (apart from working for myself) all require a minimum of a grade C in Maths. The majority also require A-Levels and some even require a degree but lets start out with the basics first eh?

This is a huge deal for me as I have zero confidence in myself, I find ways to put myself down and always go on about how I’m not smart enough to go back to school, I get insanely nervous in classrooms and I feel judged by everyone – teacher and peers alike, I worry about my age (I’ll be 34 and turning 35 within the term whereas the majority of other students will be much younger) and I panic about letting myself, but more importantly, my husband and family down.

I’ve figured out that our baby boy will be around three months old when the class starts but the bonus is that it will be an evening class and Baz now has a job where he can work from home on certain days or adjust his hours to suit his home needs. This means that he should be able to have the kids whilst I go and try to better myself for a couple of hours one night a week and it shouldn’t interfere too heavily, if at all, with his work day … win!

I also found out that as I got a D grade way back when in school, the course will be FREE!!!!! I just have to sit an entry assessment closer to the course start date to see if I have the basic numeracy requirements to get onto the course – I’m absolutely shitting it already! I could fail at the first hurdle and that would suck donkey balls.

But yeah, my mind is screaming about how I’m a failure and how I won’t get on to the course or I’ll mess up if I do get on it but this is me trying to push some positivity out onto myself for once. I will get on that course, I will work my arse off to understand whatever I’m taught and I will come out with that C grade … hell, I might even get above a C!

If I can do this, I can do whatever I put my mind to … I’m going to rock it!

Make it a good one,

Deb xox


Busy Day

This morning started with me feeling the hungriest I’ve felt all this pregnancy and like I could drink for a week solid and still not feel that my thirst had been quenched and why? Because I had been told that I was not allowed to take in any foods or fluids that weren’t plain tap water as today was the day of my GTT.

My appointment at the hospital was at 10:15am and when I got there all seemed well but then time just ticked on and nobody had called my (or anyone else’s) name. It turns out that a lady that was due for her GTT was terrified of needles and actually passed out so the nurses and midwives had to check her over and make sure that she was all ok, thankfully she was!

Things started moving after that and I was called in for my first blood draw about 45 minutes later. The nurse found a good vein which spurted blood when struck but then it seems that she might have missed it as the blood just wasn’t getting into the vial without some needle wiggling … joy!

After all three vials were finally drawn I had to drink this weird tasting sugar syrup – it was disgusting! but I got it down me as quickly as I could and was then led out to sit and wait for the necessary two hours with a midwife visit in the middle to break up the wait.

I wasn’t called by the midwife until an hour and three-quarters later but she was lovely and she checked my pee sample, gave me some anti-D, checked my fundal measurements which are a little on the higher side but still within in the expected range, had a feel for where our little one was laying and checked his heartbeat. Everything was perfect from what she could tell and after a little conversation it was also confirmed that I have SPD and they have said that I can be sent for physio if I want. I’ve told them that I’m going to see how I get on but that if it gets any worse that I’ll mention it to my local midwife and get the ball moving on that.

Then I got called in for my final blood draw and after that it was time to grab something to eat!

When we got home I started on writing some more letters for some new pen pals and I wrote out a reply to the first one that I have received which I’ll pop a little post about later.

It was then time to pick Soph up from school to come home for an hour before going back to school for parents evening. I was a little worried about speaking with the teacher because I panic that I don’t do enough to help Soph succeed but from what was said, she is excelling in every topic so I couldn’t be prouder!

All in all, it’s been a busy one and felt a bit non-stop … I think I’m set for bed 🙂

How has your day been?

Hope it’s been a good one!

Deb xox

A Belated World Book Day

We managed to get quite the covering of snow last week and Soph’s school was actually shut for Thursday and Friday which meant that World Book Day had to be delayed. When I explained this to Soph, she actually cried and said that she wanted the snow to go away. Now this shocked me as this kid loves snow but she obviously loves having any excuse to dress up more, she also loves going to school, learning, being with her teachers and friends and she especially enjoys reading so the fact that school was shut and that book day was postponed was kind of a big deal for her.

When we got the text through to say that it had been moved to today, Soph was chuffed but then she got the Chickenpox and we didn’t know if she’d be back to school in time for it. We talked it through and I promised her that we would be dressing up today no matter what and that worked for her … and saved my sanity!

So this year the question was asked of who she wanted to dress up like and the answer was Matilda. I loved Roald Dahl books when I was growing up and the fact that she enjoys them too makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!



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This is what we ended up with after a bit of browsing around. We found this costume at George but it looks like they have actually removed it from the site now. It cost £16 if I remember right and the fabric used and quality of the dress is excellent. If you’re looking for costumes maybe have a quick look here to see if they have what you are after – they have lots more costumes available than I ever expected and I’m sure we will be back for more when needed!


She came away from school with a new set of eight Paddington Bear books that she is looking forward to starting after we finish James and the Giant Peach tonight. The closest match to these that I could find (and at the best price) was a ten book set on the BookPeople website which is currently out of stock – I love this site but I can spend far too much money there so I only tend to look around Christmas and birthdays!

What books do you and your kids enjoy? Is there any that you would recommend for us to try?

Happy reading!

Deb xox

Nothing Fits!

For the past couple of weeks I have been noticing that my tops are starting to ride high over my bump, my pj’s may as well not be there with how little of me is covered in a morning after rolling around all night and even the couple of pairs of pregnancy leggings that I had are starting to annoy me. It was finally time for me to get over it and shop.

The problem is that I despise shopping for myself, send me out to get clothes for Soph/Baz or gifts for people and I’m fine but if I have to get myself something I find myself in a foul mood by the end of the day. I hate physically going into shops – I’ve never really enjoyed this as I’m on the bigger side and struggle to find clothing to fit that looks like anything other than a coloured potato sack. The bonus with being on the larger side however, is that most shops are no good for me so it cuts the options and time that I have to spend searching through the racks down to a more manageable amount.

The other reason that I hate shopping in town is that I can’t stand rude people and there always seems to be an abundance of them when you’re out shopping. The ones that irk me the most are the people who barge into you because they just aren’t looking (or don’t care) where they are going, the one’s who push/stand directly in front of you when you’re looking at something on a rack or you’re stood in a queue and the ones who purposefully blow smoke at you and your kid. I’m an ex-smoker myself and I don’t mind when people smoke but DON’T BLOW IT AT ME AND MY CHILD! Turn your head away, it’s not hard to do!

I’m also not a huge fan of shopping because I begrudge spending money on myself. I am lucky enough to have an insanely supportive husband who was, and is happy for me to be a stay at home mum. I find this to be a total luxury as I have been able to watch and help my daughter grow into an amazing little person and I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to be in this position – I owe my hubby the world for the life that he provides us with.

However, as I am a SAHM, I don’t have an income of my own to contribute to any of the bills etc and I get an allowance from the hubby on a monthly basis – which I go through stages of feeling very guilty about. Baz tells me that this is my money and that I can spend it on whatever I like as long as the house contains food and the gas meter is topped up, but other than buying a new £4 book for my Kindle on release day, I don’t tend to spend it on me at all. If I spend anything it will be on a trip out to the cinema for us as a couple, (I know that I benefit from this too but it’s not just for me if you get me?) a take-out treat for the family, or some new clothes for Soph.

This month though, I decided that I actually needed to buy some tops so I hit up New Look online and bought four new maternity vest tops (very basic but they should help see me through to the end of this pregnancy which is all I’m bothered about really) which came to a total of £29.95 including delivery. I don’t feel that this was too bad at all and the only reason I didn’t go into town myself was because our local store doesn’t stock maternity wear – the delivery fee is much cheaper than the train ride into the city so all-in-all I’m quite chuffed with myself.

After trying them on when they were delivered today I found that I really quite like all four tops. The black scoop neck vest is just a simple wardrobe staple for me and the yellow looked more of a darker mustard colour in person which I actually prefer. I like the way the top hangs off my bump with the grey swing vest and the red marl is my favourite of the lot. This seems to be my colour!

So yeah, I’m pretty happy right now which is rare for me when clothing shopping is involved! Everything fits, it all looks how I’d hoped and my ever-growing bump is now nicely tucked away.

Do you enjoy shopping or have you delayed it as much as possible? Have you snagged yourself any decent bargains?

Have a good one,

Deb xox

OBEM is Back!

So One Born Every Minute is back and having just watched it, part of me is feeling all gooey and lovely and the other part is screaming “HOLY SHIT THAT WILL BE ME AGAIN IN JUNE! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING THIS DEB? WHY? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?”

It is a great show though, I love watching how other women handle birth and I can’t help but compare myself and the birth of my daughter to what is shown. It also gets me wondering how I will handle this labour and delivery too.

With Sophie-Anne I had this awesome birth plan in mind where it would be drug free and all natural – basically I was planning for the best and not really willing to think much outside of that. What I actually got was me getting insanely annoyed with the birthing ball (I wanted to pop that damn thing!) and finding myself in enough pain that they wanted me to try gas and air. I think I practically bit their hands off when they offered it but then when I was trying to use it I was told that I wasn’t taking big enough breaths of it in. I quickly went on to remedy that but felt no difference in the pain department – what I did feel was complete and utter mortification when I went on to projectile vomit across the room towards my midwife … they then took the gas and air away from me and I can’t say as I blame them!

I’d then been in labour long enough that the midwife suggested that I have a shot of diamorphine to help me get some rest. This was totally opposite to what I wanted to do but in the end I was so tired and figured that they knew best … in this case, I feel like they totally did! I managed to get a couple of pain-free hours of rest before moving on to the big event and it was bliss.

Then came the pushing, now on OBEM tonight it showed women giving birth in all sorts of positions, on their knees hugging the top of the bed, on their side and lay on their back. In my pregnancy, Soph’s heart rate started to dip as she had managed to get herself twisted and stuck so the midwife called for a team to assist. In walked about eight medical professionals and one HUGE doctor and what do huge doctors have? … HUGE BLOODY SHOVEL LIKE HANDS! He explained what was going to happen and then the next thing I knew, I was whimpering in pain (my hubby still remembers this sound to this day and doesn’t think he will ever forget it as I am not a whimpering kind of person) as he got his massively oversized hand stuck up there to help her twist. After his help I was able to push her out on my own and very quickly too.

I’m hoping I won’t need help this time around but I know for a fact that when it comes time to push I’ll just ask for the bed handles, get comfy on my back and push like a demon – those handles were EVERYTHING to me last time and they probably saved my hubby from having broken hands. If I can’t have them for whatever reason, I honestly don’t know how I’ll cope.

So again the show got me to thinking, how many women need some form of intervention in their deliveries? How many deliveries are messy like mine was? (there was also a pooping incident thrown in for good measure some time after the vomiting!) Do people throw up often and is it just that they choose not to show the more gross births on the tv? I’ve never really spoken to many people about their birth stories so I have no idea what “normal” is … is normal even a real thing in these situations as I know every pregnancy is different, so why wouldn’t every birth be too?


Well one thing I do know is that even though it’s going to be painful, and possibly very messy again, I can’t actually wait for the birth of our son. Roll on June!

Take care,

Deb xox


A Long Overdue Catch Up

So it’s been about 97 days since my last post and I think it is definitely time for a catch up! It has been a crazy and, at times, hard 97 days filled with kid’s birthday parties, chickenpox, school runs, school-run-mum drama, plenty of tv watching and cinema trips, general day-to-day life experiences and complete and utter shock but overall it’s been pretty damn good!

So where to start?

Well the one year gym membership is over and at this time has not been renewed. I’m hoping that we will renew or maybe find a new gym or some other way to exercise together later but right now I’ve been struggling with my knee (I’ve somehow managed to bruise the inside of it and the doctor I saw said he doesn’t understand how I’ve managed it – he also had no way of fixing it and didn’t want to refer me. The problem resolved itself after a few weeks of me hobbling around but has since come back a number of times. I’ve now found that if I stretch my knee in a certain way that I can seem to reverse the pain of it, so that’s where I’m at with that right now!) and have found that we weren’t going so rather than waste money, we’ve called it quits for a bit. I enjoyed going to the gym but found that the one we attended didn’t want to get too involved with helping you make or hit targets, we’d never been given a plan to workout by and when we asked about diets, we were given a speech on how the government is causing us cancer and the only thing we should do is go vegan with protein shakes added in. I’ll admit, I have looked into trying a vegan lifestyle in the past but right now I don’t think I’d manage it … it may be something that I come back to in the future but if you have or know of any decent vegan recipes then please feel free to send them my way so i can give them a go!

The worst thing we’ve had to go through is Soph getting the Chickenpox.

It has been doing the rounds at school and we knew that it was coming but it’s a bugger nonetheless! We got a text from one of the school mums saying that her daughter’s birthday party was cancelled this weekend as she has developed Chickenpox and the very next day, Soph woke up with two fluid filled spots on her head. We were thinking that we may have been lucky and that she’d be one of the people who is lucky enough to just have a few spots but by the next morning she had a good covering of them! They were in her ears, around her eyes, in her mouth and in her more intimate areas – the poor kid was miserable and I felt awful for her! We have been popping her in bicarb baths after reading that it helps with itching and I can honestly say that she has not itched once on her body, her head is a different matter but she’s doing well at not scratching. They are mostly scabbed over now so it won’t be much longer until she’s back at school and she’s really looking forward to that, especially as World Book Day has been pushed back due to the snow and this kid loves having a reason to dress up!

The cutest thing that we’ve experienced is Sophie-Anne’s Christmas play. She was a hen and she totally nailed all of the songs and dances, she got her lines out really clearly and she helped her friends remember their cues … it was adorable and she has since decided that she wants to be on stage when she’s older. She’s five so I know that this dream of hers will probably change a million and one times but I’m good with it!

Soph as a hen in her school play!

The most celebrated thing that we experienced was Soph turning 5! She had a blast with a party at her favourite soft play centre and she invited twenty of her school friends to join her. Every year the hubby and I buy her presents between us but we have started to buy her an individual present from each of us to make it a little extra special. This year she got a new Ted Baker dress from her daddy as she loves to twirl in pretty dresses and her first ring from Pandora from me as she admires my diamond engagement ring and told me she’d like one the same as she likes to match me (melt my heart kid! Melt. My. Heart!) so whilst I wouldn’t buy her a ring quite like mine, I did find her one that had a “diamond” in a cute heart setting that she seems quite taken with so I’ll class that as a win!

The most unbelievable and amazing thing to happen is that we found out that I am pregnant!!!!!!

As I mentioned in a previous post, my cycles had always been all over the place but they had started to become more regular since we hit the gym and lost a bit of weight. Well, my now somewhat regular period didn’t come so I figured I’d take a test just to check. I got a cheapie from Poundland and was insanely shocked to find that there were two lines on that sucker. As it was just a cheapie I decided that it wasn’t going to be as reliable as other makes, so I got myself a Tesco one and that came up positive too. My hubby didn’t want to let himself believe it so we then moved on to a Clearblue digital and that came up positive, then my mum wanted me to check again so she got me a First Response test, and that too was a positive … and a strong one at that!

I had been having some abdominal pains for a while (another thing being looked into with a doctor where no reasons were found) and they decided to send me up to the EPU for a scan. I was nervous as anything and truly terrified when the lady before me had to be ushered into a “quiet room” after her scan had not shown positive things – I felt so sad for her and can’t imagine how it must feel to see your baby on a screen to only be told that you’ll never be able to hold them! It was then my turn and after a quick external scan they found this…

Our little dot!

I was told that I was 6 weeks and a day pregnant and sent on my way with smiles and congratulations all around. Even seeing this little dot, I still couldn’t get my head around the fact that I was pregnant, all I could think was how the doctor said it wouldn’t happen on its own. I felt like it was some kind of joke and even though I was happy, I found it really hard to show it as I kept thinking that I’d be told that they were wrong and this baby would be snatched away from me.

Fast forward a few more weeks and I met with my midwife where I still couldn’t believe that this was happening. I got referred on for my 12 week scan and then felt like I’d been smacked in the face when this little baby … OUR little baby, was shown up on screen.



My hubby couldn’t attend this scan as it was his last day of work for his old employer but my mum came with me. I’m so glad that I got to share that with her as her face was a picture, especially when they showed us a view of just their little feet – I think that was the moment that I let myself fall in love with this child. So the dot had grown into a baby and I finally found myself believing in what I was seeing and being told. I felt so lucky and excited and still do at this point now. I’ve since been for my 20 week scan with my hubby and daughter and everyone was thrilled to see our new addition doing well.


When asked what she’d like the baby to be, Soph decided on a girl to which the technician replied “uhhhh ohhhh”. So it would appear that we are having a boy and whilst it’s not what Soph decided on, she (and we) are more than happy with the result.

I’m currently 26+6 days pregnant and our due date is June 7th 2018 and I cannot wait for that day to come so that our family of three can become an awesome foursome!

So yeah, that’s pretty much the main things that have happened in my 97 day absence. I’m hoping not to leave it so long between posts but we will see how that goes! now it’s time to catch up with the posts that I’ve missed!

Thanks for reading,

Have a good one!

Deb xox


The Fat Girl Clothing Dilemma

I have been invited out next Saturday night for a good old piss up to celebrate the 30th birthday of one of the mums in our “circle of mums” which is basically a small group of us who have a natter in the school yard before the kids go in and when we pick them up.

I haven’t been out drinking in years and I don’t drink so this could be messy fun!

The problem that I now have is that I have no clothes to wear out, I’m very much a jeans and hockey top kind of girl so I’m in a bit of a panic as the other mums were all on about wearing their LBD’s. They are also all much, much smaller in size than me – oh the joys of being the “fat friend” – and are all much more capable of finding lovely clothes to wear.

So today, after taking my daughter to a bounce house, I dragged her around all of the clothing shops in our town and found an amazing bargain on a pair of black boots from Dorothy Perkins – they were marked down from £60 to £7. SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS! That may be the bargain of my life so far! Annoyingly, whilst riding a bargain hunter high, I found shit all else on the racks – I tried a few things on but everything fit poorly, looked awful or was waaaaaaay to expensive for one night out on the town.

So now I’m stuck with not much time to go shopping (we are going away next week and I don’t think my family would appreciate being dragged around on a clothing hunt!) and very little confidence in finding something that will look acceptable.

They also started talking about their make-up and contouring. At this point I checked out completely as I never wear make up and have no fucking clue as to how to apply it. One of the mums was going on about this green stuff that you put on your face underneath this other stuff … what the hell would I want to do that for? Can you sweat make-up off? If so, will she look like she’s hulking out by the end of the night?

I was freaking out to my hubby about all of this earlier and he suggested meeting me at a local designer village not too far away after work tomorrow for a look around there. I’ve told him I’ll go but I’m not getting my hopes up that I’ll find anything, but I guess you never know…

Right well I guess it’s time for bed,

Remember you’re awesome!

Deb x