So One Born Every Minute is back and having just watched it, part of me is feeling all gooey and lovely and the other part is screaming “HOLY SHIT THAT WILL BE ME AGAIN IN JUNE! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING THIS DEB? WHY? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?”
It is a great show though, I love watching how other women handle birth and I can’t help but compare myself and the birth of my daughter to what is shown. It also gets me wondering how I will handle this labour and delivery too.
With Sophie-Anne I had this awesome birth plan in mind where it would be drug free and all natural – basically I was planning for the best and not really willing to think much outside of that. What I actually got was me getting insanely annoyed with the birthing ball (I wanted to pop that damn thing!) and finding myself in enough pain that they wanted me to try gas and air. I think I practically bit their hands off when they offered it but then when I was trying to use it I was told that I wasn’t taking big enough breaths of it in. I quickly went on to remedy that but felt no difference in the pain department – what I did feel was complete and utter mortification when I went on to projectile vomit across the room towards my midwife … they then took the gas and air away from me and I can’t say as I blame them!
I’d then been in labour long enough that the midwife suggested that I have a shot of diamorphine to help me get some rest. This was totally opposite to what I wanted to do but in the end I was so tired and figured that they knew best … in this case, I feel like they totally did! I managed to get a couple of pain-free hours of rest before moving on to the big event and it was bliss.
Then came the pushing, now on OBEM tonight it showed women giving birth in all sorts of positions, on their knees hugging the top of the bed, on their side and lay on their back. In my pregnancy, Soph’s heart rate started to dip as she had managed to get herself twisted and stuck so the midwife called for a team to assist. In walked about eight medical professionals and one HUGE doctor and what do huge doctors have? … HUGE BLOODY SHOVEL LIKE HANDS! He explained what was going to happen and then the next thing I knew, I was whimpering in pain (my hubby still remembers this sound to this day and doesn’t think he will ever forget it as I am not a whimpering kind of person) as he got his massively oversized hand stuck up there to help her twist. After his help I was able to push her out on my own and very quickly too.
I’m hoping I won’t need help this time around but I know for a fact that when it comes time to push I’ll just ask for the bed handles, get comfy on my back and push like a demon – those handles were EVERYTHING to me last time and they probably saved my hubby from having broken hands. If I can’t have them for whatever reason, I honestly don’t know how I’ll cope.
So again the show got me to thinking, how many women need some form of intervention in their deliveries? How many deliveries are messy like mine was? (there was also a pooping incident thrown in for good measure some time after the vomiting!) Do people throw up often and is it just that they choose not to show the more gross births on the tv? I’ve never really spoken to many people about their birth stories so I have no idea what “normal” is … is normal even a real thing in these situations as I know every pregnancy is different, so why wouldn’t every birth be too?
Well one thing I do know is that even though it’s going to be painful, and possibly very messy again, I can’t actually wait for the birth of our son. Roll on June!
So it’s been about 97 days since my last post and I think it is definitely time for a catch up! It has been a crazy and, at times, hard 97 days filled with kid’s birthday parties, chickenpox, school runs, school-run-mum drama, plenty of tv watching and cinema trips, general day-to-day life experiences and complete and utter shock but overall it’s been pretty damn good!
So where to start?
Well the one year gym membership is over and at this time has not been renewed. I’m hoping that we will renew or maybe find a new gym or some other way to exercise together later but right now I’ve been struggling with my knee (I’ve somehow managed to bruise the inside of it and the doctor I saw said he doesn’t understand how I’ve managed it – he also had no way of fixing it and didn’t want to refer me. The problem resolved itself after a few weeks of me hobbling around but has since come back a number of times. I’ve now found that if I stretch my knee in a certain way that I can seem to reverse the pain of it, so that’s where I’m at with that right now!) and have found that we weren’t going so rather than waste money, we’ve called it quits for a bit. I enjoyed going to the gym but found that the one we attended didn’t want to get too involved with helping you make or hit targets, we’d never been given a plan to workout by and when we asked about diets, we were given a speech on how the government is causing us cancer and the only thing we should do is go vegan with protein shakes added in. I’ll admit, I have looked into trying a vegan lifestyle in the past but right now I don’t think I’d manage it … it may be something that I come back to in the future but if you have or know of any decent vegan recipes then please feel free to send them my way so i can give them a go!
The worst thing we’ve had to go through is Soph getting the Chickenpox.
Our little Calamine ghost!
Day 3 of chickenpox
It has been doing the rounds at school and we knew that it was coming but it’s a bugger nonetheless! We got a text from one of the school mums saying that her daughter’s birthday party was cancelled this weekend as she has developed Chickenpox and the very next day, Soph woke up with two fluid filled spots on her head. We were thinking that we may have been lucky and that she’d be one of the people who is lucky enough to just have a few spots but by the next morning she had a good covering of them! They were in her ears, around her eyes, in her mouth and in her more intimate areas – the poor kid was miserable and I felt awful for her! We have been popping her in bicarb baths after reading that it helps with itching and I can honestly say that she has not itched once on her body, her head is a different matter but she’s doing well at not scratching. They are mostly scabbed over now so it won’t be much longer until she’s back at school and she’s really looking forward to that, especially as World Book Day has been pushed back due to the snow and this kid loves having a reason to dress up!
The cutest thing that we’ve experienced is Sophie-Anne’s Christmas play. She was a hen and she totally nailed all of the songs and dances, she got her lines out really clearly and she helped her friends remember their cues … it was adorable and she has since decided that she wants to be on stage when she’s older. She’s five so I know that this dream of hers will probably change a million and one times but I’m good with it!
The most celebrated thing that we experienced was Soph turning 5! She had a blast with a party at her favourite soft play centre and she invited twenty of her school friends to join her. Every year the hubby and I buy her presents between us but we have started to buy her an individual present from each of us to make it a little extra special. This year she got a new Ted Baker dress from her daddy as she loves to twirl in pretty dresses and her first ring from Pandora from me as she admires my diamond engagement ring and told me she’d like one the same as she likes to match me (melt my heart kid! Melt. My. Heart!) so whilst I wouldn’t buy her a ring quite like mine, I did find her one that had a “diamond” in a cute heart setting that she seems quite taken with so I’ll class that as a win!
The most unbelievable and amazing thing to happen is that we found out that I am pregnant!!!!!!
As I mentioned in a previous post, my cycles had always been all over the place but they had started to become more regular since we hit the gym and lost a bit of weight. Well, my now somewhat regular period didn’t come so I figured I’d take a test just to check. I got a cheapie from Poundland and was insanely shocked to find that there were two lines on that sucker. As it was just a cheapie I decided that it wasn’t going to be as reliable as other makes, so I got myself a Tesco one and that came up positive too. My hubby didn’t want to let himself believe it so we then moved on to a Clearblue digital and that came up positive, then my mum wanted me to check again so she got me a First Response test, and that too was a positive … and a strong one at that!
I had been having some abdominal pains for a while (another thing being looked into with a doctor where no reasons were found) and they decided to send me up to the EPU for a scan. I was nervous as anything and truly terrified when the lady before me had to be ushered into a “quiet room” after her scan had not shown positive things – I felt so sad for her and can’t imagine how it must feel to see your baby on a screen to only be told that you’ll never be able to hold them! It was then my turn and after a quick external scan they found this…
I was told that I was 6 weeks and a day pregnant and sent on my way with smiles and congratulations all around. Even seeing this little dot, I still couldn’t get my head around the fact that I was pregnant, all I could think was how the doctor said it wouldn’t happen on its own. I felt like it was some kind of joke and even though I was happy, I found it really hard to show it as I kept thinking that I’d be told that they were wrong and this baby would be snatched away from me.
Fast forward a few more weeks and I met with my midwife where I still couldn’t believe that this was happening. I got referred on for my 12 week scan and then felt like I’d been smacked in the face when this little baby … OUR little baby, was shown up on screen.
My hubby couldn’t attend this scan as it was his last day of work for his old employer but my mum came with me. I’m so glad that I got to share that with her as her face was a picture, especially when they showed us a view of just their little feet – I think that was the moment that I let myself fall in love with this child. So the dot had grown into a baby and I finally found myself believing in what I was seeing and being told. I felt so lucky and excited and still do at this point now. I’ve since been for my 20 week scan with my hubby and daughter and everyone was thrilled to see our new addition doing well.
When asked what she’d like the baby to be, Soph decided on a girl to which the technician replied “uhhhh ohhhh”. So it would appear that we are having a boy and whilst it’s not what Soph decided on, she (and we) are more than happy with the result.
I’m currently 26+6 days pregnant and our due date is June 7th 2018 and I cannot wait for that day to come so that our family of three can become an awesome foursome!
So yeah, that’s pretty much the main things that have happened in my 97 day absence. I’m hoping not to leave it so long between posts but we will see how that goes! now it’s time to catch up with the posts that I’ve missed!
So the new school year is fast approaching and our little terror is off into F2. This means that she will have to go to school in the morning for full days rather than the short afternoon stints that she has been doing for the last year and a half.
Are we excited? Hell yes! She can’t wait and because she’s so excited, I can’t wait either. I actually thought I’d be a blubbering mess over her leaving me for the full day but I’m quite excited for myself now too as I’m going to have a crack at running a little craft business from home which is something that I have always wanted to do since my mum and dad had their own business some years back. I’m not overly optimistic but my hubby says to give it a go (I’m a lucky girl landing him!) and my mum’s keen on me having a go too so their belief in me is giving me a bit of nerve to have a go!
Anyways, back to the point of this post…
We have always been consistent with Sophie-Anne’s bedtime. She has always gone to bed at 8pm as we have tended to have later starts to the day and this way she gets to spend time with her daddy before bed. The problems that we have encountered with bedtime is her lack of sleeping through the night to the point where I’m having to end up in her bed with her as I’m knackered when she calls me in, her thinking that the first ray of sunshine through her window means that it’s morning which then leaves her dragging later in the day and her having a strict wake up time as we have kind of left her to wake whenever she’s ready in the past due to her stop/start sleeping through the night.
I was thinking through this with regards to the new school year and decided that some kind of alarm clock would be a good thing to get her used to so after a bit of research with his colleagues, we decided to grab a Gro-Clock. The RRP on these bad boys is £34.99 but they are currently selling for £19.99 which I originally thought was a bit steep for a kids alarm clock but as of now, I would have been happy to pay the full price!
After a few days of stupidity (me turning the alarm off, the hub setting the alarm to pm rather than am etc.) we finally got it all set up properly and since then Soph has slept through every night, woken at the alarm and turned it off herself ready to start the day at 7:30. I asked her what she liked about the clock and she told me…
“I like that it has an alarm, I like that Mr. Sun winks at me to say goodnight and I like to see the stars go away because then I know it will be morning time.”
As of right now, this thing is possibly the best thing that we have ever bought for her and I’m wondering why we didn’t have one sooner! She really understands what the clock is for and when she does wake in the night now she just takes a look at it, see’s that it’s still night-time and settles herself back down … it’s brilliant and I hope that this continues as the school prep and run will be a doddle at this rate.
So yeah, if you’re in the same situation and are thinking of an alarm clock for your little one to wake up to then I’d highly recommend this one – it may be pricier than some other options but it’s cute, it’s easy for kids to set and understand and has worked so much better than we ever expected it would for Soph. I’ve also had nearly a solid week of uninterrupted sleep so this thing is truly awesome in my opinion right now!
This is something that I have been thinking about this week. I feel kind of stupid for thinking it in a way because a doctor is a well-educated person who cares about their patients and fixing things for them, right? They want to investigate problems fully and give the best care that they can, right?
The thing with me is that I am prone to blindly trusting in people who I see as an authority figure or someone who I believe to be well versed in their chosen field, I often think of myself as less than others, less smart, less attractive, less capable … just less all around really, so I don’t tend to think twice about what I’m told in certain situations. Once my hubby told me that 76% of all facts were made up on the spot and I didn’t think to even question this because I trust him … he took great pleasure in showing me just how gullible I am!
Anyways, the last thing that I was told by the doctor that I saw was that I had low ovarian reserve which is why I wasn’t ovulating and having regular cycles. She made me feel like my time for having children (without intervention) was coming to an end and I just nodded along and listened like the good little patient that I am.
This diagnosis was delivered after me telling her about my past cycles, a HSG which came back clear and two blood tests to see how my hormone levels were throughout my cycle.
The thing that irks me about this now when I look back is that I told her that my cycles were not regular, yet she tested me on what would be a regular cycles days of change. Knowing that my cycles weren’t running as they should, how would she ever be able to know that I had low ovarian reserve from those two blood tests alone?
I’m not saying that there is nothing wrong … I know that there is, but is there really nothing else it could be other than low ovarian reserve? Could it just be a weight and hormone issue?
The reason I ask is that I have become an avid tracker of my cycles using a nifty little app called OvuView seeing as how they are all over the place and since I’ve started to lose weight and hit the gym things look to have been changing a little. This is a list of my previous cycles since December 2015…
Dec 18th 2015 – 136 day cycle
May 2nd 2016 – 129 day cycle
Sept 8th 2016 – 100 day cycle
Dec 17th 2016 – 106 day cycle
Apr 2nd 2017 – 81 day cycle
Jun 22nd 2017 – 49 day cycle
Aug 10th 2017 – currently CD7 on a predicted 47 day cycle
Now I know that it’s not perfect but I also know that I started to go to the gym and tried to start losing weight from around the start of March this year and things seem to have been changing a little after that.
So my question to you reader, if you’re out there, is this … am I just being crazy to doubt what I was told? Will the Dr be right and I’m just having a severe episode of wishful thinking? Or could the diet and exercise be working? Could it be a weight and hormonal issue that I could possibly resolve by continuing down this road of weight loss?
I guess only time will tell but what do you think?
and I feel like we need another to get over this one!
It was manic, it never felt like we sat still, it was exhausting at times and yet it was absolutely brilliant.
We headed over to Butlins in Skegness for a week and though it rained every day, we never got caught in it. We spent times on the fair, went into Skegness where we ate doughnuts and ice cream by the sea – which is a tradition in our family, we walked into Ingoldmells where Sophie-Anne got to hold an owl called Wheezy, we went swimming, queued for an insanely long time to go and see Stephen Mulhern in his variety and magic show (totally worth it unless you ask my hubby who will say not so much but he’s not a fan so his vote doesn’t count here – it was great fun) we ate tons of junk, flew a kite on the beach, went for a paddle, Soph fought a pirate and won, we won some tat from the 2p machines, went to the circus, spent a ton of money and overall had such an awesome time that we booked to go back again next year but this time we will be adding my brother, sister-in-law and their two kids into the mix … it’s going to be hectic and I can’t wait!
One thing that I saw very clearly on this holiday though is that Sophie-Anne would really love to have a sibling. She was always looking for someone to play with and I felt rotten that we haven’t provided that for her – next year will be different as she will have her cousins to play with but I don’t think anything would beat her having a little brother or sister of her own. She dotes on her younger cousin so I know she’d be an awesome big sister and she always tells me that she’d like a sister – she doesn’t want a brother but she knows that she can’t pick and she told me she’d love him anyways – hopefully I’ll be able to get myself sorted and fill this little void she has while giving us the new family member that we crave too.
So now the holiday is out of the way we are gearing up for Soph starting back at school then there are a few birthdays and before we know it, it will be Christmas. Let the countdown begin!
I knew that these two weeks would be a wash with regards to weight loss as we have been away on a family holiday for a week where we ate out pretty much every meal except breakfast and this second week we have had days out, where again, we have eaten nothing but crap. There has been no gym either and I had an unexpected (yet very somewhat welcome) visit from my good old Aunt Flo. She was a freakin’ witch as per usual but I don’t see her often so when she does appear I try my best to forgive her bitchy ways … that and she always makes me want cake so she earns herself forgiveness in treats even though they are not what I need for my diet. To be honest though, when she’s in town I give zero shits when it comes to healthy food – I eat whatever will make me feel good for those few moments and regret it later.
So yeah, the food situation has been dire and weight has been gained but we had a great time away as a family and now the wheels are firmly back on the tracks so I can start all over again.
I have been invited out next Saturday night for a good old piss up to celebrate the 30th birthday of one of the mums in our “circle of mums” which is basically a small group of us who have a natter in the school yard before the kids go in and when we pick them up.
I haven’t been out drinking in years and I don’t drink so this could be messy fun!
The problem that I now have is that I have no clothes to wear out, I’m very much a jeans and hockey top kind of girl so I’m in a bit of a panic as the other mums were all on about wearing their LBD’s. They are also all much, much smaller in size than me – oh the joys of being the “fat friend” – and are all much more capable of finding lovely clothes to wear.
So today, after taking my daughter to a bounce house, I dragged her around all of the clothing shops in our town and found an amazing bargain on a pair of black boots from Dorothy Perkins – they were marked down from £60 to £7. SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS! That may be the bargain of my life so far! Annoyingly, whilst riding a bargain hunter high, I found shit all else on the racks – I tried a few things on but everything fit poorly, looked awful or was waaaaaaay to expensive for one night out on the town.
So now I’m stuck with not much time to go shopping (we are going away next week and I don’t think my family would appreciate being dragged around on a clothing hunt!) and very little confidence in finding something that will look acceptable.
They also started talking about their make-up and contouring. At this point I checked out completely as I never wear make up and have no fucking clue as to how to apply it. One of the mums was going on about this green stuff that you put on your face underneath this other stuff … what the hell would I want to do that for? Can you sweat make-up off? If so, will she look like she’s hulking out by the end of the night?
I was freaking out to my hubby about all of this earlier and he suggested meeting me at a local designer village not too far away after work tomorrow for a look around there. I’ve told him I’ll go but I’m not getting my hopes up that I’ll find anything, but I guess you never know…
So today was the last day of nursery for my little munchkin! I had built it up in my head to be this really emotional day but it was incredibly underwhelming to be honest. She was very chill about it all, none of the kids seemed that fussed – I think us parents were more worked up about it all!
I figured that taking a picture on her last would be fitting seeing as how I documented her first day at nursery and this picture made me realise just how much she has changed throughout the year, she looks so grown up now! I’ve loved watching her grow into herself, she’s hilarious, moody, demanding, loving, caring, friendly, inquisitive and a million other things and I couldn’t be prouder of her. I love her more than I can explain and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her.
Now I’m just looking around for ideas on where I can take her and what we can do until she goes back for her reception year in September.
I’m toying with the idea of taking her to our local Pride march this weekend as it is important to me that she embraces people from all walks of life and that she realises that love between two people, no matter their sexual orientation, race, religion or anything else in-between is important, real and should be respected – sadly, I wasn’t brought up that way, my dad was quite the bigot. I remember one time my younger brother and I went to visit him and for some reason we ended up at a pride parade. There was this float of a HUUUUUGE cock complete with piercing which I thought was hilarious but then he got all pissy and we had to leave not long after that. I remember being so disappointed in him and how he acted and I don’t ever want my daughter to feel that way about me if I can help it.
I’m also looking at going to a bounce-house, the beach in the city centre, the cinema, parks, craft workshops, the library etc. and we have a holiday at Butlins to look forward to – it’s shaping up to be a busy six weeks! What are you doing with your kids over the holidays?
As I only really started looking at my diet and focusing solely on cardio within the last two weeks, I wasn’t expecting a great deal of change on the Boditrax scales, I was hoping for it, but not expecting it.
Last night I found the following…
Weight dropped from 16st 13lb to 16st 6lb
BMI dropped from 36.8 to 35.7
2lb loss in muscle
5lb loss of fat
Degree of Obesity dropped from 67.5% to 62.4%
Below are some pictures showing my current body composition, the all yellow is muscle composition and the yellow and red is fat composition. I’ll be looking forward to seeing how this changes over time.
It’s been a few days since I posted as not much has happened really. Exercise has been going well, food consumption has been monitored and kept within budget and my weight has dropped by a further 1.8 lbs. I’m not disappointed with this, as they say “A loss is a loss” but in all honesty, I was hoping for a little more. Weekends are definitely not my friend though, and annoyingly enough, two out of three weekends will remain out of my control with regards to what is cooked and how. I’m just going to have to work harder on portion control and resisting snacks on those days.
Tonight at the gym it’s Boditrax night. I’m anxious to see what the results on there are as it’s been two weeks of doing pure cardio and I’m wondering just how much of a difference it, along with monitored eating, has made.
In other news, my daughters school year is wrapping up tomorrow and we are quite excited for the six weeks summer holiday. Soph (that’s my daughter) is also looking forward to pick-up tonight as we are taking in presents for her teachers – she loves to give gifts so I can’t wait to see her face when she hands them out this afternoon. Tomorrow is also a non-uniform day and they are the best kind of school days for her … four year old’s are impressed by the simplest of things!