Random + Family + Me + Weight Loss = A Mess of A Post

So lets start with the random…

The hubby and I have been talking lately.

I have decided now, after thinking back over my pregnancy and labour (which I’m now convinced really wasn’t that bad at all) that I wouldn’t have minded having another go around if it was possible. If you’ve read my earlier posts you’ll know that we have struggled to conceive along the way but we have managed it and have been incredibly lucky to welcome two beautiful kids into our lives and family. This is two more than we thought we’d have at one point so for me to want more makes me feel incredibly greedy but I love my kids and would love nothing more than to have even more.

My hubby, on the other hand, doesn’t agree. He’s not really a fan of this “baby stage” where they have to depend on you for every single thing in their lives. He enjoys it when the personality starts to shine through and when they can hold a conversation and I guess, be a real person rather than a lump of flesh that cries, coos, drinks and poops.

I also know that he HATES the broken sleep and this is where we actually agree, even though Finn has been quite a good night sleeper and we could have definitely had it much worse!

So what do you do when you don’t agree on having more kids? Well we chatted through it and ended up thinking that we would really like to adopt later on in life when our kids are old enough to understand what adoption is and why we would like to do it and in the meantime … doggies! Not for a while as its hectic enough around here as it is, but later on down the line we would like to bring some four-legged companions into the mix.

Then the problem will be what dogs to get! I’m a fan of breeds like Great Danes, St. Bernards and Dogues de Bordeaux whereas Baz likes English Bull Terriers and Weimaraners. The problem with any of these breeds though, is that Baz has allergies and none of them are hypoallergenic dogs so he either opts for a breed that will be kinder to him, or gets any dog he falls in love with and suffers the consequence! But again, this is all for a later time.

On to the family…

Well Soph has come home from school today missing another tooth … And she then lost it … In the dinner hall! The tooth next to this one is wobbling too and I’m hoping so hard that she loses it before school photos come around on the 10th of next month. I reallllly want a picture of her with a huge happy-gappy grin so fingers crossed it will fall out soon!

Then on to me…

I have started going to college now one night a week to resit my GCSE Maths. I was so nervous about this as I’ve not studied in 18 years, I have zero self-confidence and I don’t do well with new people. That being said, right now I’m enjoying it!

The studying is coming as a bit of a break for me – I now get two and a half hours of “me time” a week and I have to admit, I love it. I mean I constantly worry about the hubby and kids when I’m out, but just doing something for me has proven to be quite freeing. It’s also given my confidence a boost, as right now, I understand what’s happening in class and I can do it, which is nice.

It also has me thinking “what’s next?” And questioning where I want to end up in the future. I’ve always thought that I’m not capable of much, but right now I think that I may want to go on to study a couple of A-levels and maybe even a degree so that I can possibly go into teaching later.

It also gives me a 2.7ish mile walk home which is helping with the weight loss which is the perfect segue too…

The weight loss…

So I weighed in this morning to find that I’d lost 2.2lbs! This shocked me as I felt like I’d eaten terribly throughout the week and I’ve actually felt sluggish and heavier in myself so to lose 2.2 is an excellent result for me this week. With that weight gone I’m so close to the half stone mark and I’m very excited to get there! Fingers crossed that will be done with next week and I can be firmly on the way to the stone mark!

So yeah, it’s a bit of a mash of stuff but that’s me all caught up for now. I will get better at posting regularly … I will! … Well I might … We’ll see 😕

Take care,

Deb xox

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Feeling Brave

Today I did something that I have put off for what seems like forever … I contacted my local college about attending a GCSE Maths class!

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I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – other than a mum who is resisting growing up! – but I know that the things that have always interested me (apart from working for myself) all require a minimum of a grade C in Maths. The majority also require A-Levels and some even require a degree but lets start out with the basics first eh?

This is a huge deal for me as I have zero confidence in myself, I find ways to put myself down and always go on about how I’m not smart enough to go back to school, I get insanely nervous in classrooms and I feel judged by everyone – teacher and peers alike, I worry about my age (I’ll be 34 and turning 35 within the term whereas the majority of other students will be much younger) and I panic about letting myself, but more importantly, my husband and family down.

I’ve figured out that our baby boy will be around three months old when the class starts but the bonus is that it will be an evening class and Baz now has a job where he can work from home on certain days or adjust his hours to suit his home needs. This means that he should be able to have the kids whilst I go and try to better myself for a couple of hours one night a week and it shouldn’t interfere too heavily, if at all, with his work day … win!

I also found out that as I got a D grade way back when in school, the course will be FREE!!!!! I just have to sit an entry assessment closer to the course start date to see if I have the basic numeracy requirements to get onto the course – I’m absolutely shitting it already! I could fail at the first hurdle and that would suck donkey balls.

But yeah, my mind is screaming about how I’m a failure and how I won’t get on to the course or I’ll mess up if I do get on it but this is me trying to push some positivity out onto myself for once. I will get on that course, I will work my arse off to understand whatever I’m taught and I will come out with that C grade … hell, I might even get above a C!

If I can do this, I can do whatever I put my mind to … I’m going to rock it!

Make it a good one,

Deb xox