For my next visit the my GP to check my weight and all of a sudden I’m nervous.
Every time I have tried to lose weight in the past I have struggled to see more than 1 lb lost in a week. When I see a pound of weight loss I find myself in this weird YAY but nay kind of place. I’m YAY because it’s a pound of weight lost, it’s what’s recommended and it should be easier to sustain losing at this rate … great! but then I’m nay because other people seem to have the weight drip from their bodies by doing the same kind of thing as me, so I get a little frustrated as to why I don’t ever see larger numbers like everyone else.
The thing that always annoys me though, is that in the past I have never seemed to be able to keep this sustainable 1 lb weight loss going. I tend to lose 1, gain a little, lose a little more, plateau, gain, lose etc. Now, I know that this has a lot to do with how I handle myself – I never really liked to exercise and my dedication was never at 100% but even when I did eat cleanly for a week, the scales would never seem to tick over in my favour. Eventually I/we got fed up and decided to chuck it in the fuck it bucket along with a large greasy pizza and a tub of ice cream … and the wheels of the wagon would fall right off.
This time however, I am counting every calorie and I’m working out at a gym. I’m really trying hard and I’m proud of myself but now the doubt sets in. I have six weeks to lose 9 lbs for the Dr. That gives me a loss of 1.5lbs a week – manageable right? But I have never been able to lose that number consistently, so now I’m worried that I won’t manage it and then on my appointment day he will just look at me, shake his head and tut. The worst thing about it is that we have a week-long holiday and our wedding anniversary between now and then – times when I know that I’m not going to be as good as I should be and that’s also a week without the gym!
When I weighed in this morning I found a loss of 0.2 lbs so that’s another little loss to add-on … YAY! but then I looked at it again and wondered if it was enough. Then I got angry at myself for even thinking that – I’m working hard and doing what I can so yes it’s enough! I need to get out of my head!
I can do this!
Right, I’m off to the gym.
Have a good one,