Could The Doctor Be Wrong?

This is something that I have been thinking about this week. I feel kind of stupid for thinking it in a way because a doctor is a well-educated person who cares about their patients and fixing things for them, right? They want to investigate problems fully and give the best care that they can, right?

The thing with me is that I am prone to blindly trusting in people who I see as an authority figure or someone who I believe to be well versed in their chosen field, I often think of myself as less than others, less smart, less attractive, less capable … just less all around really, so I don’t tend to think twice about what I’m told in certain situations. Once my hubby told me that 76% of all facts were made up on the spot and I didn’t think to even question this because I trust him … he took great pleasure in showing me just how gullible I am!

Anyways, the last thing that I was told by the doctor that I saw was that I had low ovarian reserve which is why I wasn’t ovulating and having regular cycles. She made me feel like my time for having children (without intervention) was coming to an end and I just nodded along and listened like the good little patient that I am.

This diagnosis was delivered after me telling her about my past cycles, a HSG which came back clear and two blood tests to see how my hormone levels were throughout my cycle.

The thing that irks me about this now when I look back is that I told her that my cycles were not regular, yet she tested me on what would be a regular cycles days of change. Knowing that my cycles weren’t running as they should, how would she ever be able to know that I had low ovarian reserve from those two blood tests alone?

I’m not saying that there is nothing wrong … I know that there is, but is there really nothing else it could be other than low ovarian reserve? Could it just be a weight and hormone issue?

The reason I ask is that I have become an avid tracker of my cycles using a nifty little app called OvuView seeing as how they are all over the place and since I’ve started to lose weight and hit the gym things look to have been changing a little. This is a list of my previous cycles since December 2015…

Dec 18th 2015 – 136 day cycle

May 2nd 2016 – 129 day cycle

Sept 8th 2016 – 100 day cycle

Dec 17th 2016 – 106 day cycle

Apr 2nd 2017 – 81 day cycle

Jun 22nd 2017 – 49 day cycle

Aug 10th 2017 – currently CD7 on a predicted 47 day cycle

Now I know that it’s not perfect but I also know that I started to go to the gym and tried to start losing weight from around the start of March this year and things seem to have been changing a little after that.

So my question to you reader, if you’re out there, is this … am I just being crazy to doubt what I was told? Will the Dr be right and I’m just having a severe episode of wishful thinking? Or could the diet and exercise be working? Could it be a weight and hormonal issue that I could possibly resolve by continuing down this road of weight loss?

I guess only time will tell but what do you think?

Have a good one,

Deb xox

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The Date is Set…

For my next visit the my GP to check my weight and all of a sudden I’m nervous.

Every time I have tried to lose weight in the past I have struggled to see more than 1 lb lost in a week. When I see a pound of weight loss I find myself in this weird YAY but nay kind of place. I’m YAY because it’s a pound of weight lost, it’s what’s recommended and it should be easier to sustain losing at this rate … great! but then I’m nay because other people seem to have the weight drip from their bodies by doing the same kind of thing as me, so I get a little frustrated as to why I don’t ever see larger numbers like everyone else.

The thing that always annoys me though, is that in the past I have never seemed to be able to keep this sustainable 1 lb weight loss going. I tend to lose 1, gain a little, lose a little more, plateau, gain, lose etc. Now, I know that this has a lot to do with how I handle myself – I never really liked to exercise and my dedication was never at 100% but even when I did eat cleanly for a week, the scales would never seem to tick over in my favour. Eventually I/we got fed up and decided to chuck it in the fuck it bucket along with a large greasy pizza and a tub of ice cream … and the wheels of the wagon would fall right off.

This time however, I am counting every calorie and I’m working out at a gym. I’m really trying hard and I’m proud of myself but now the doubt sets in. I have six weeks to lose 9 lbs for the Dr. That gives me a loss of 1.5lbs a week – manageable right? But I have never been able to lose that number consistently, so now I’m worried that I won’t manage it and then on my appointment day he will just look at me, shake his head and tut. The worst thing about it is that we have a week-long holiday and our wedding anniversary between now and then – times when I know that I’m not going to be as good as I should be and that’s also a week without the gym!

When I weighed in this morning I found a loss of 0.2 lbs so that’s another little loss to add-on … YAY! but then I looked at it again and wondered if it was enough. Then I got angry at myself for even thinking that – I’m working hard and doing what I can so yes it’s enough! I need to get out of my head!

I can do this!

Right, I’m off to the gym.

Have a good one,

Deb x