The Date is Set…

For my next visit the my GP to check my weight and all of a sudden I’m nervous.

Every time I have tried to lose weight in the past I have struggled to see more than 1 lb lost in a week. When I see a pound of weight loss I find myself in this weird YAY but nay kind of place. I’m YAY because it’s a pound of weight lost, it’s what’s recommended and it should be easier to sustain losing at this rate … great! but then I’m nay because other people seem to have the weight drip from their bodies by doing the same kind of thing as me, so I get a little frustrated as to why I don’t ever see larger numbers like everyone else.

The thing that always annoys me though, is that in the past I have never seemed to be able to keep this sustainable 1 lb weight loss going. I tend to lose 1, gain a little, lose a little more, plateau, gain, lose etc. Now, I know that this has a lot to do with how I handle myself – I never really liked to exercise and my dedication was never at 100% but even when I did eat cleanly for a week, the scales would never seem to tick over in my favour. Eventually I/we got fed up and decided to chuck it in the fuck it bucket along with a large greasy pizza and a tub of ice cream … and the wheels of the wagon would fall right off.

This time however, I am counting every calorie and I’m working out at a gym. I’m really trying hard and I’m proud of myself but now the doubt sets in. I have six weeks to lose 9 lbs for the Dr. That gives me a loss of 1.5lbs a week – manageable right? But I have never been able to lose that number consistently, so now I’m worried that I won’t manage it and then on my appointment day he will just look at me, shake his head and tut. The worst thing about it is that we have a week-long holiday and our wedding anniversary between now and then – times when I know that I’m not going to be as good as I should be and that’s also a week without the gym!

When I weighed in this morning I found a loss of 0.2 lbs so that’s another little loss to add-on … YAY! but then I looked at it again and wondered if it was enough. Then I got angry at myself for even thinking that – I’m working hard and doing what I can so yes it’s enough! I need to get out of my head!

I can do this!

Right, I’m off to the gym.

Have a good one,

Deb x

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Square One

So a bit of history is probably the way to start this blog off. This could go on for a while so I’ll aim to keep it short and sweet.

My hubby and I met when I started temping at the company that he worked for. We started chatting, moved on to dating, bought a house together, got hitched in Vegas …

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Hitched in 2011 wearing a three piece suit and fully fitted dress in 40 degree heat. Awesome day and holiday!

and started to try for a baby.

Sadly the trying for a baby thing wasn’t as easy as we hoped it would be, my periods were all over the place, I wasn’t ovulating and it just wasn’t happening for us so we went to the doctor to see what was what. After a few tests I was diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” and sent to see a fertility specialist at the hospital. More tests were performed and the specialist I saw decided that I’d need Clomid and Provera to start our medically assisted baby making journey. I was prescribed a years worth of medication but when I went to the pharmacy to get my pills they refused to give them to me because of the length of the prescription.

We then headed back to our GP who assessed the matter, gave me a revised prescription for three months and told me to book another appointment for a couple of months down the line. The first month passed and I began to ovulate but we didn’t manage to conceive, the second month came and again, I ovulated but didn’t conceive. Now it was time to head back to the GP. He told me that as we hadn’t conceived that we were being referred to the IVF clinic and that I wasn’t to bother taking the last months worth of Clomid. My hubby and mum both told me to take the meds that I had left, so like the good wife and daughter (and bad patient) that I am, I took the tablets that I had left and attended my appointment with the IVF team.

At the appointment we were told that my hubby would need to provide a semen sample for analysis and that I’d need a HSG before we could progress so everything was booked in and the wait began. The day of the HSG test came and before the test could be run a pregnancy test would need to be done to make sure that I wasn’t pregnant as this test would not be administered if I was. Imagine our shock when the test came back positive! The last months worth of Clomid, some charting, OPK’s, Preseed and good ol’ nookie created our amazing, perfect little girl. She’s my everything and I love her more than I can explain.

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My squidgy dumpling getting her first ever cuddle as a newborn!

So why do you want another child? I hear you ask – well I always pictured myself having two or three kiddies and my daughter has also said that she would love a sister … a brother is acceptable and she’d love him just as much but a sister is her preference.

Fast forward to now and I am not ovulating again, I went back to a GP who referred me straight up to the hospital. I finally had a HSG done and all was well and after further testing my diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” morphed into “low ovarian reserve”. The specialist told me that she would be willing to provide me with Clomid and Provera again but only when I got my BMI down to 30 or less. I’m currently at 37 and need to lose around 45lbs. I have now been discharged from her care until I can manage my weight.

I’ve joined a gym and now use Boditrax to monitor my body but so far any fat that I have lost has been gained back in muscle.

I’ve since been back to the GP who has given me strict instructions to only focus on cardio even when I’ve been told that I need to build muscle to then burn more fat and to skip carbs after 6pm. I don’t know how well I’ll do on the cutting out of the carbs but I’ll definitely be calorie counting and portion controlling in an attempt to lose the weight that I need to and more.

So that’s where I’m at right now, lets see where I end up!